When men and women enter marriage, there will always be moments of confusion, helplessness or confusion. At this time, professionals must come to analyze. Through the explanation of Lin Cuifen, a psychologist at the Songde Psychiatry Clinic, you can clearly understand the indispensable true feelings in marriage. In this way, the marriage life will be consistent and the relationship between husband and wife will last for a long time.
Q1: Why do people say that marriage is the tomb of love?Marriage is actually a "fortress of love" and a "resistance of love". Because when you are in a low mood or feel frustrated and need someone to support or comfort and encourage, marriage plays a good role, and the partner can bring you a lot of warm support and make you grow, but why do you slowly become a tomb? Lin Cuifen's counselor believes that many people have many unpleasant emotions during the marriage process, and it is easy to become "emotional allergies" after a long time. As soon as you see the other party, you will immediately challenge your enthusiasm. When the emotions gradually accumulate, you will involuntarily have a psychological defense mechanism. The opening up of the other party will become lower and lower, and you will become less and less willing to pay attention to the other party. The couple will become more and more indifferent and colder. In this way, it will feel like a tomb cemetery.
Q2: Can years of marriage still maintain romance or love?The longer the marriage life, the more dull the stage, Lin Cuifen explained to the business psychologist that marriage generally goes through several different stages:
1. The most satisfactory and suitable stage.
2. Many pressures follow one after another. For example: work, family relationship or children.
3. Enter a calm and stable stage.
Lin Cuifen shared by a psychologist at a consultant, foreign research shows that if marriage is too romance, it may be harmful to marriage, because marriage is very practical. There are many daily life of food, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea, and it is very different when dating and dating with love. It is not just about leisure and entertainment to meet the needs of both parties, but there are also many real-life needs to be faced with rationality. If you always insist on a romantic life, it is harmful to marriage.
Q3: What can we maintain a happy marriage?To maintain a happy marriage, there are two major points to pay attention to, namely satisfaction in sexual life and emotional quality. Usually men pay more attention to satisfaction with sexuality, while women pay more attention to quality satisfaction with emotions. Therefore, if you want a happy marriage, the satisfaction of these two points must be relatively high. In marriage life, if you want to run a passionate relationship, it is important for couples to share and share each other's common interests. You even need to communicate, share, support and understand emotionally, so that you can improve your satisfaction in marriage.
Q4: What changes will happen to your marriage life after having children? Is this change good or bad?After a couple has a child, their lives will be very different. The biggest difference is that when they are young, the children are prone to crying, which makes both parents distracted, and after the child is born, they may completely absorb the attention of one of the parents; in addition, they spend a lot of energy to take care of their children, so they are often so tired that they don’t want to do anything. Because they spend a lot of effort on their children, they care about their children’s big or small things, and the couple may also disagree with their children’s education.
Lin Cuifen's counselor said that after having children, the time for couples to get along and chat is reduced, and the close movement between couples may also decrease. In this case, it will really affect the marriage relationship between husband and wife. Although children are very important, don't ignore the business of relationships.
Q5: In marriage, can the problem be solved by just getting married?Lin Cuifen's counselor's psychologist pointed out that communication between husband and wife is a very important thing in psychological counselor. Through communication, we can understand each other's differences or commonalities, rather than focusing on solving problems, because many couples are rational when explaining to their partners how to do it better, but if they do not take care of each other's feelings, the best way is The style may become friction during the couple's interaction, so when communicating, you need to listen carefully to what the other party wants to express, and confirm whether the reception and the other party's transmission are consistent, and finally give a correct response. Please do not just keep talking, because when communicating, if you only want to "say" the way is "if there is a situation but no communication." In addition, during the communication process, if the questions are repeated or the same questions are constantly asked, the other party will feel that you are not attentive. Therefore, Lin Cuifen advises the psychologist to remind that the key points of communication start from listening. In the listening process, correctly interpret and make a good response. This is the best and most smooth communication.
It is normal for couples to quarrel, so it becomes very important to repair relationships after quarrel. Lin Cuifen’s counselor said that the most important thing in repairing relationships is to meet the other party’s psychological needs, so there must be different responses depending on the person. If the other party is a person who values the sense of power and value, he should emphasize his importance after the quarrel, for example: "You are to your family." The most important thing is, "We respect your opinion very much", "We can't be without you"; if the partner values free will, and after a quarrel, you can "leave everything to you" and "do as you wish"; if the other party attaches great importance to being loved and subordinate needs, you need to express how important he is in your mind, so that he can feel your love for him.
During the quarrel, couples are unable to speak without talking or lip-sniffing. At this time, the best way to repair the relationship is physical language. Lin Cuifen's counselor pointed out that sometimes a hug can lead to thousands of words, because the body conveys love and feelings. After a quarrel, there must be a flow of love, and a truly passionate hug can actually melt the other party.
Q7: What should I do if one of the couple does not distinguish between family and children, causing dissatisfaction with the other party?Dividing family affairs plays an important role in marriage, because if the other party does not divide family affairs and is inherited by a single person alone, it is easy to feel unfair, and under the condition of excessive fatigue, it is easy to become irritable and irritable, which in turn affects the emotional quality of the husband and wife.
If the other party really does not divide the family affairs, how can the other party be able to divide it? Lin Cuifen advised to use foot in the door to guide the business psychologist, but don’t keep complaining that you don’t do housework, as this will make him less willing to do it. You might as well ask him for help in an advanced way. For example, if you want the other party to help you do housework, you can start with the easiest to start. If you expect him to help wash rice and cook, the first time is to wash all the rice first and put it in the pot, and then tell your partner that you hurriedly leave the door and ask him to help you press the switch; the second time is to put the washed rice on the table, and after leaving the door, please put the other half in the pot and press the switch; the third time is to say that you accidentally forget to wash rice, you can wash it and then put it in the pot as before. Through a simple small step at a time, a person who does not do housework at all and slowly starts to divide the family. This advanced approach makes him feel simple and easy, so that he will not give up immediately because he is frustrated, frustrated, or feels that he cannot do well.
Q8: What should I do when there is only a child left in the same topic with my partner?Many couples are taking care of their children wholeheartedly, so the only topic is left: "How is your daughter at home?" "How is your son doing in school recently?" Lin Cuifen's psychologist said that the management of husband and wife's relationship is equally important as caring for children, because according to the law of attraction, if there are common topics, the two parties can communicate and narrow the distance between them. So if a couple discovers that they talk about children every day together, they may try to wake up and get married before they get married. What topics are they talking about during the meeting, what are the common interests of both parties, and whether there are any activities to participate in together to increase each other's topics and narrow the distance between each other's hearts. If you still feel that there is no topic to talk about, start by caring about each other and understanding each other, so as not to see the child grows up in the future and the couple will be speechless.
Q9: Many people have said that they are unwilling to divorce because of children, because they want to give children a complete family. So for the sake of the children, shouldn’t we divorce?Divorcery will definitely affect the children, but keeping the marriage for the sake of the children, the interaction between husband and wife is very poor, and they often quarrel, and even physical conflicts will be even worse for children, because the most important thing is the family atmosphere. If the child grows from an early age, he will be in a negative family atmosphere. , often witnessing parents quarrels, which also has a great impact on the child's heart, making them live in anxiety and fear since childhood. They don't know when parents will quarrel. This feeling of fear will lead to the child's concerns about other people's emotions when they grow up or choose to avoid conflicts. Lin Cuifen advised that the real importance of family is not whether to divorce, but whether there is emotional communication and whether the family atmosphere is very warm. This is the most important thing for the child's spiritual growth.
Q10: How to maintain a relationship when you are together for a long time with your partner?Getting away is mostly a remote couple pattern, and the most difficult point to maintain a relationship is "familiarity", because big and small things happen in daily life, when you want to complain, your partner is not around, making the sense of familiarity become increasingly weaker. Fortunately, you are now pursuing technology, which can help you narrow the distance between each other through video. However, couples who have been together for a few and farewell should pay special attention to the "reversal of the other party's psychological reversal". For example, when you encounter setbacks or illness in your work and need warm care for others, your heart will be particularly fragile. If the other party is not around at this time, even if you have phone calls and videos, you will not have the help of warmth.
In addition, the most important thing for couples who are less and more distant and far-distance is to establish trust relationships, because they cannot see the difficulty of having imagination space, and trust is easily damaged or worn out due to misunderstandings. Therefore, you must always confirm the trust relationship in each other to avoid the impact of doubts on the trust relationship.
Lin Cuifen's Psychologist
Current/Songde Psychologist, lecturer of the "China Personnel Executive Association", lecturer of the Doctoral Arts Department of Psychology at the University of Science and Technology, lecturer of the Department of Psychology at Dongwu University, lecturer of the "Taipei Zhang Teacher Center", lecturer of the "Taipei Zhang Teacher Center", and lecturer of the Consultant Psychologist Association
Director of the Media Commission of the Association
Academic / "Teacher University" also serves as a counselor, supervisor of teenagers' self-challengement, consultants of many well-known companies, editor of new women's magazines, and president of the Greece Publishing Enterprise Programme
Academic / Master of the Institute of Psychology and Consulting at National Taipei University of Education
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