We don’t want a cold relationship with each other. We can talk about work, children, chat, and car stuffing, just not talk about our inner thoughts and emotions. Once there is no deep communication with sincerity, the sense of secrecy between the two will be reduced, and even the end of the road is divided. Therefore, companion skills are one of the most important topics in our lives.
Marriage and Partner Relationship Consultants Mary Ellen and Goggin Jerry provide the following communication skills that can help two people improve their relationship:
1. To jointly create a safe atmosphereThe choice of words that you want to say is often because you don’t have a sense of security. You are worried that what you say will be considered stupid, childish or miserable by the other party. In short, it means worrying about being criticized. Just like teenagers are asked by teachers when they do something wrong, they choose not to say or say responsibilities, that is, they believe that the sincerity they say will definitely be criticized, and they will only hear a lot of "you should" or "you shouldn't".
However, lack of communication is a great harm to emotional relationships, because it means that at least one of them cannot trust the other and cannot truly express their emotions and ideas. Therefore, when communicating inner thoughts with the other party, you can give up your subjective bias and listen to the other party's words without any evaluation, and express your feelings in a safe atmosphere, so that you can continue to communicate with each other in a frank manner.
2. Accepting the difference between each other"If you think of everything exactly the same, it would be very boring." Sandy Burris, a writer who has been married for more than 60 years, mentioned in an article. No matter how close the two people are, they cannot be exactly the same because each has a unique personality, growth background and experience. The other party’s ideas or values are different from those of ourselves. Although it will make people feel anxious, we still have to learn to accept the differences between each other. This is the first step to mutual respect. Only with respect relationships can we maintain it for a long time.
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3. Ask more "open questions"When the other party expresses anger and heartbroken emotions, many people choose to respond with "Don't think too much" or be silent. Such a reply is like a "sentence point", which makes the other party unable to express their emotions well and feel disrespectful. A better approach is to ask more "openness questions", such as "Why do you feel difficult" and "Why do you think this way", just like reading a book and focusing on listening with curiosity. In addition to understanding the other party's real ideas, this can also help the other party organize their complex thoughts.
4. When two people are fighting each other, they are the worst time to communicate. When the situation is in the forefront, even if the communication with good intentions is in the future, it may turn into an unconstructive and insulting lip war. Only when communication is cold and mentally good can communication be directly at the core of the problem, making communication more efficient and allowing both parties to be more comparable to each other. 5. Don't expect the other party to readAssael Romanelli, a psychological therapist who is a US partner and family relationship, observed that "ambiguous communication" (ambiguous Communication) appears in many friends with problems. They may not quarrel often, but they always guess each other: "Is he denying my efforts when he said this?" "Why didn't he realize that I was angry?" These people dare not express their emotions or thoughts because of fear of conflicts and other reasons, hoping that the other party can understand their hearts. However, such expectations are very unrealistic.
No matter how embarrassing or difficult it is, you have to practice expressing your true thoughts, just like the stage actors who can understand the plot in the back row, will express their OS and emotions in their hearts. No matter how much you love, you cannot fully understand your heart. It is better to say it and let him understand it!