In life, we often feel anxious about our family or companions due to small matters, and even become self-responsible to ourselves. On July 3, "CREA Summer No. × Nobuko Nakano" was held at the Japanese Aikaya Bookstore. Brain scientist Nobuko Nakano answered various psychological difficulties on the spot, including "I always feel that I have enough to live", "I can't love children", "I feel disdainful to my husband" and so on. Nakano provides unexpected practical suggestions from the perspective of brain science and psychology, and even proposes a wasteland method to trigger the whole scene of ceremonies.
Always feel a lot of money?A 33-year-old woman asked that she has been older since childhood and is always one circle older than her children of the same age. Whether it is a roster, group or gathering, it is always the "remain one". Even though she grew up, had dinner or traveled with friends, she still felt that she was always isolated, even single at parties or in conversations. She hopes to find a way to avoid becoming a "multiple person".
Nobuko Nakano responded that she believed that what she really was troubled with was not "not wanting to be too much", but that she could not accept her "being too much". Nakano pointed out that since the Meiji period was innovated, Japan's education system has been aimed at cultivating standardized citizens, so naturally some people will become "multiple", which has nothing to do with personal value. She encouraged everyone to regard "multiple" as an advantage, which may be more creative and valuable in the future than standardized people.
Can't love children? A 42-year-old mother who used "love performance" to maintain the relationship was frank and said that her eldest daughter was in the second grade of high school and her eldest son was a middle school student, but she could not love her daughter and could only take care of her on the surface, such as washing clothes and doing things. She was worried that this emotion would affect the child's growth.Nakano pointed out that love may not be forced to arise, but family relationships can be maintained through "love performances". She is sure that this mother is already in practice, and that although she cannot love her daughter, she still provides daily care, which is a rational and wise approach. Nakano suggests accepting "I can't love my child's self" and just continue to show the behavior of love. "Love performance" is safe and necessary in the growth of children.
Why did the husband whom I once loved become distant?Another woman mentioned that when she sees her husband doing homework or having minor flaws after marriage, she will feel bad and cannot return to the emotions she admired at the beginning. Nakano pointed out that research shows that in long-term marriages, the two parties' understanding of each other will decline, and love will not return to the initial stage.
Even, she mentioned an unexpected "abusive method". If she hopes to rekindle emotions and allow her husband to have a third party situation, women may rekindle emotions by wanting to "repay her husband." But Nakano emphasized that this is just an explanation of the phenomenon of brain science, not to encourage infidelity, but to show that human psychology will become interested in "things that are already owned by others."
Learn to respect yourself first!At present, a corporate executive shared that she worked hard to enhance the company's high-level image, but her high-level behavior often offsets her efforts and makes her anxious. Nakano analyzed that some people are more comfortable with the psychological comfort of "love to be ignored" and are more comfortable in the situation where they are not liked. She suggested that the psychological training of "self-respect" was first carried out, and that the situation around her was full of admirers, and then gradually implement the image improvement strategy after three months.
Nobuko Nakano reminded on the spot that many difficulties arise from misunderstandings or disacceptance of their own feelings. Accepting one's own imperfections with others, through the method of "recognition, performance, and psychological adjustment", you can find a balance in life and maintain a good relationship with your family.