Still feeling lonely surrounded by family and friends? Psychologist says "the problem is not that having someone with you" can help break through inner demons

Even if they are surrounded by family and many friends, many people still feel very lonely. Why do they always feel empty and lonely inside even though their interpersonal relationships seem to be good? Japanese psychological counselor Yuki Kazuo pointed out that the root cause of loneliness is often not whether there is someone to accompany you, but "whether you can sincerely connect", and further explained the psychological mechanism that causes loneliness and specific ways to deal with it.

The root of loneliness: not knowing how to "get close to others"

うるかす said that interpersonal relationships can be divided into "surface connections" and "deep connections." Some people have many friends and appear to be socially active, but they are not good at opening up about themselves and are afraid of self-revelation, so it is difficult to truly close the psychological distance. This situation not only exists among friends, but can also occur in families.

{9 99}

In addition, people who set too high standards for "ideal interpersonal relationships" are also prone to loneliness. For example, perfect expectations such as wanting to build a more valuable relationship or having someone accompany me will make people unable to be satisfied with the status quo, making them feel lonely more strongly.

The "pretend behavior" that should be avoided when you are lonely

When the feeling of loneliness becomes stronger, what behaviors should not be done? Yuko pointed out that the most common mistake is to "act as you are needed." For example, deliberately creating a cheerful and popular persona, or excessively catering to others to avoid being disliked. Although these behaviors can temporarily alleviate feelings of loneliness, they can cause psychological stress in the long term.

He said that some people may find it interesting to perform a certain role, but if this behavior becomes necessary, when the efforts are not rewarded or when they realize that they are pretending, the loneliness will become deeper. The greater the gap between the original character and the superficial role, the heavier the psychological burden will be.

Countermeasures when you are lonely: Understand yourself and find someone who can understand your heart

When loneliness arises, how should you adjust? Yuki suggested that the best thing to do is to find someone who can understand your inner psychology, emotions and experiences. However, people who are prone to feeling lonely often lack the experience of being understood since childhood. For example, they were not understood by their parents in childhood, do not know how to get close to others, and do not even have the experience of establishing close relationships. Therefore, it is not easy to directly find someone to talk to.

He suggested that you start by understanding yourself and ask yourself: "Why do I feel lonely now?" and "What parts of me want to be understood, but can't express it?". When you become aware of these core emotions, it not only relieves loneliness and insecurity, it also gives you a clearer sense of what you want to share with others.

Interpersonal relationships and self-disclosure are abilities that require time to practice. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. If you have difficulty clarifying your emotions on your own, seeking help from a psychologist or counselor is one of the effective ways to deal with loneliness. Professional support can help people better understand themselves and re-establish authentic and secure connections.